A guilty mothers point of view
If you’ve ever questioned the truth behind “mom guilt” I’m here to tell you it’s real. Before I became a mother I heard women talk about it, people post memes and stories about it, but I never really understood it.
Or maybe I was just in denial – I mean how hard could being a mother be? I loved children and never had a hard time caring for them. That is until I had my own.
Anyways, mom guilt is real and it’s not fun. It is feeling concerned, disappointed, anxious, insecure, and just flat out awful about 80% of the time.
Seriously. How can you go to sleep peacefully when all you can think about is how you yelled at those precious babies for spilling a cup of milk, when you should have remained calm. Or for telling them “just one more minute” for more like 30 minutes, because you had dishes to wash or laundry to fold.
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. As some say “ain’t no hood like motherhood“.
Thank goodness that more of the population is becoming aware of how difficult it is to raise children. Especially these days. This isn’t the 50’s and everyone doesn’t have a village to help them.
Being a mother is not some 9-5 job. You don’t get to punch out at the end of the day, its a 24 hour gig. Everyday. For at least 18 years.
Why the mom guilt?
Expectations
We are expected to breastfeed. Use cloth diapers. Make our own organic baby food. Babywear and cuddle all day. Not too much though or they will be spoiled. Vaccinate. But wait, don’t vaccinate. Discipline them this way, but not that way.
For the record, I am 100% for breastfeeding. But guys, if another mother is unable to we shouldn’t shame her. Is she feeding her baby? Yes. Good for her then. I also enjoy baby-wearing and rocking my almost 3-year-old to sleep. I know that’s not for everyone though.
Comparisons
Since we are told that we have to follow all of these confusing and contradicting expectations it leads us to compare ourselves with others. It’s not hard to either. Log on to Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest, BAM, you can find so many perfect mothers right? How the hell are there so many perfect mothers out there anyway?
Seriously though, stop comparing your life to Jennifer’s or Jessica’s, or whatever perfect mothers you may be watching. Newsflash, you’re just as perfect as them.
Stay at home VS Working mom
Don’t forget this one. A major reason for the mom guilt is because we are told to stay home with our babies or else we’re bad mothers. Yet, we’re also told that if we stay home and don’t go to work we’re worthless and have no skills.
I’d love to slap whoever thought of that one.
Working mothers are not bad mothers. They are working to make their lives and their children’s lives better. Stay at home moms have plenty of skills too. Keeping little people alive everyday is definitely a skill. Not to mention cooking, cleaning, nursing, transporting, counseling, teaching, organizing, entertaining, multitasking, etc. The list could go on.
Children
Our children are also a part of the reason why we have mom guilt. They’re just so darn cute and perfect. It’s really not their fault. We want to spend every second with them and soak up all the hugs and kisses while we can.
When we are unable to spend as much time with them as we want, or we feel we’re supposed to, we feel guilty. This is a type of mom guilt that I imagine has existed since the beginning of time.
Photo by Keira Burton
